When she could care less…
"Listen I dont care how many male lions you fought of last night, just watch the kids while I go get dinner, okay!!!"
The other day my wife burst into the bedroom, where I was appropriately taking a nap, and demanded to know where the memory cards for the camera were…
My wife was selling all of her designer flatware (expensive stuff, 20$ for a spoon!) and wanted to email pictures of ‘em to a would-be buyer…
I did the walking dead trick staggering out of bed trying to remember where I had last seen one of the damn things (memory card that is, not flatware)…
Eventually I found one and afterwards found my wife in the kitchen arranging the forks, knives (sadly no ‘sporks‘) and what-not on our dark gray tabletop illuminated with two energy saving tungsten light bulbs, firing out that sickly yellow light we all know and love.
The following dialog ensued:
Camera nut job: “there’s not enough light.”
Significant other: “what?”
Camera nut job: “I said, there’s not enough light.”
Significant other: “what do you mean” (imagine annoying frown starting to appear on Significant other, she’s obviously heard this sort of talk before)
Camera nut job: “All right, listen, these lights, they just don’t put out enough light for you to get a fast enough shutterspeed…”
Significant other: (annoying frown now totally visible)… “Listen (finger pointing added), either show me how to do this or but out, and then go get some milk for tomorrow.”
Camera nut job: “Okay, okay, forget it just turn the dial to the green square and fire away…”
(Significant other now attempts to frame the forks with a 50mm f/1.8, only to find out that she has to get higher and further back to frame everything)
(“pop”… build in flash fires, and Camera nut job, grabs his chest having obvious chest pain caused by the sight.)
Camera nut job: “okay stop, wait… just… okay look at the back of the LCD; see this number here (ISO)?? ’800′ is a really high number, especially for this camera, and even when you trigger the build in flash it still asks for 400 ISO…”
Significant other: “So???”
Camera nut job: “Look, at least use a tripod, and just let me set the camera to Av mode, so we can avoid using the flash and the high ISO, I mean the forks wont move right?”
Significant other: “what ever, look just set up the damn thing and go get the milk already!!”
Nut job, that would be me, then proceeded to drag out a tripod, placed the camera on it, and framed the flatware… after a brief instruction on how she could brighten or darken the shot using the exposure button, I left to get the milk…
(another slight palpitation from the heart as she hits the shutter release button, as if she was at a county fare, trying to hit the plate with the hammer, making the bell go “ding”!)…
On my way to the 7Eleven (only place left open), heart rate slowly going back to normal, I caught my self picturing how I would a set up a shot like this… using a lot of light, a polarizing filter to remove some of the reflections, a white background, maybe making some sort of light box to place the stuff into, or even placing it on a plate with some food, okay maybe that would be going to far; and, at the same time, making it harder to sell…
Basically get out all the stuff and shot the heck out of the damn things…
But you know what, who cares but us?? (and by “us” I mean the people reading this blog because the enjoy photography).
These pictures were meant to showcase what she had to a fellow connoisseur; a sort of proof of ownership to the would-be buyer. He or she couldn’t care less about how the light would or would not flare, they just wanted to check that the damn utensils weren’t all messed up, but still in the mint condition my wife claimed they were…
Do a 180′ on this, and picture yourself in a conversation with your significant other where he or she tries to explain to you how “these flowers are supposed to be planted in may, not april ’cause the”… bla bla bla… who cares…
It’s the same exact thing when you look at it from their point of view… We know that If she screws up with the shutterspeed, she gets fuzzy pictures or that if she blends light when she fires the flash in conjunction with the tungsten lights, the white balance gets all messed up…
On the other hand she know that if you screw up the month where you’re supposed to plant the flower seeds, they die, before you even get to see ‘em…
When it was all said and done though, the pictures didn’t turn out all that bad, taking into account that they were shot by someone who couldn’t care less.
Not a Spork in sight
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